On Aging

When I'm tired, I sometimes find myself mentally scrambling for the right words. I can usually substitute something similar if necessary, but that frustrating “tip of the tongue” feeling is irritating. 

Am I just getting tired more often?

Just the other day, my wife and I – just the two of us – were talking about someone we know. This mutual acquaintance is struggling with Parkinson’s disease. While we were talking, for the life of me, I couldn’t remember the name of the disease, and after fumbling around for the word, I could only describe it as the shaking disease. My wife reminded me of the proper word, and when I heard it, I knew it was the right word. Then, not five minutes later, I couldn’t remember the word “Parkinson’s” and had to rely on her memory once again. This has happened several times over the past few months with the same word: Parkinson's.

While typing this short story, I had to look up “shaking disease” so I could find and type Parkinson’s here. Again, I couldn’t remember the word.

Parkinson’s, Parkinson’s, Parkinson’s…

Will repeating the word help me recall the word the next time I need it?

Here are some other words I’ve had difficulty recalling:

• Compelling. 
• Anecdotal. 
• Probability.

The thing is, these words have been historically commonplace to me, yet I now struggle to recall them. I noticed this word recall issue rearing its head before I retired in 2018. These words and some others often feel like they are just out of reach, and I look them up, or rather, look up their synonyms to lead me to the word I want.

Really annoying.

A similar thing happened this weekend while I was with friends. I was blathering about something and trying to recall the name of a movie starring Tom Hanks and Gary Sinise. The title? "Forrest Gump." My wife had to assist me on this one as well. However, mercifully, I didn’t have to look up that information for this writing. I somehow recalled the title (quickly) on my own. Yeah!!!

My father and my uncle on my mother’s side had dementia when they died. They were both in their 80s. I have a couple of aging relatives who are struggling now. One has dementia, and the other recently experienced a stroke, which has (temporarily?) damaged his ability to communicate. They are 81 and 68 years old.

I’m 67. It may be time to craft my bucket list, if I can recall what to put down. 

From the Mediations of Marcus Aurelius:

Don't just think about how your life is getting shorter every day and you have less time left. Consider this, too: Even if you live a long time, it's not guaranteed that your mind will remain strong enough to understand the world and pursue wisdom. 

Your body's functions—like breathing, eating, and feeling things—will probably continue even if you fall into old age and senility. But your ability to make use of yourself, to do your duty, to separate truth from illusion, and to decide when it's time to leave this life will be gone.

So you must act now, with urgency. Not only because you are getting closer to death, but because your mental clarity is the first thing that will fade.

—A modern interpretation of Mediations 3:1

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