On Finding Myself in the Otrovert: The Gift of Not Belonging

I am an Introvert. Crowds drain me, small talk is tedious, and quiet reflection and one-on-one connection are my preference. Yet, even so, I tend to thrive in specific social roles. I have stood in front of a room as a supervisor, performed on stage, spoken publicly, and acted as a public spokesperson—and during those moments, I felt fully alive, alert, energetic, and connected. As a supervisor, I enjoyed guiding and helping others. I felt a sense of satisfaction as a performer on stage. I was energized by the chance to represent my organization as a spokesperson. But when the crowd dispersed, the meeting closed, or the applause faded— I retreated, grateful to return to solitude.

In his 2025 book, The Gift of Not Belonging, psychiatrist Rami Kaminski introduces the term otrovert—derived from otro, meaning "other" in Spanish—to describe a distinct personality orientation that is not fully captured by the familiar introvert-extrovert spectrum. The term otrovert—someone who does not naturally seek belonging in groups but can engage deeply in chosen social roles—felt like a mirror held up to my life. Suddenly, behaviors (my own) that I had quietly questioned or even felt confused about made perfect sense. I am not weird. I am not inconsistent. I am simply living according to a rhythm that doesn't fit neatly into the current introvert-extrovert binary.

What struck me most is the sense of validation the concept offers. Kaminski reassures us that needing solitude after a social performance, or feeling no pull to merge with the collective, is not a flaw—it is simply part of who we are. The otrovert framework transforms what might have felt like a contradiction into authenticity. It validates the ability to shine in public while remaining true to oneself, to connect deeply on a one-on-one level without craving a broader group identity.

This realization has been liberating. Reading Kaminski's book, I felt reassured: I am normal, just as I am. I am encouraged to just be me—fully and unapologetically. And in a world that often measures value by how well everyone fits in, that sense of permission, of quiet acceptance, feels liberating and empowering.

Reflecting on Otrovert Tendencies

Kaminski's concept of the otrovert isn't just a label—it's an invitation to people like me to notice our own rhythms, strengths, and boundaries. I might ask:

• Do I feel fully in specific social roles or performances, yet crave solitude afterward?
• Do I connect deeply with individuals but struggle to merge with groups?
• Have I felt tension between others' expectations to "fit in" and my own desires for solitude?
• Am I reassured when someone validates that my way of being is not only usual but valuable?

Answering these questions offered reassurance that needing time away from groups doesn't make me antisocial or deficient—it simply means I am an otrovert in my own way.

The gift of recognizing these traits is profound yet straightforward for the otrovert: we can step fully into the roles that matter to us, connect meaningfully with others, and still honor our own need for quiet, without guilt. It's a call to just be ourselves, unapologetically, and to see our unique personalities as strengths rather than flaws. This should inspire confidence in our individuality and the value it brings to the world.

Considering the Critiques: Is Otroversion Fully Accepted?

While Kaminski's concept of the otrovert resonates with me, it remains a relatively new and emerging idea in psychology, sparking some skepticism. Critics have raised several points:

• Lack of empirical evidence: The framework is based mainly on clinical observation and anecdotal experience rather than peer-reviewed research. Some psychologists caution that more studies are needed to validate otroversion as a distinct personality type.
• Overlap with introversion: The traits described as otrovert could simply be a variation of introversion, expressed differently in specific social situations.
• Risk of over-labeling: Naming a personality type can be liberating, but it can also oversimplify things. Rigid categorization might unintentionally confine people or excuse a lack of personal growth.
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Despite these critiques, this conversation opens a space to acknowledge nuanced personality expressions—especially for those who don't fit neatly into traditional introvert–extrovert categories yet still engage meaningfully with the world. Even if the concept evolves or is refined over time, it validates experiences like mine: the performer who thrives in the spotlight yet retreats into solitude afterward, and the individual who is entirely themselves, without needing to belong.

Final Thoughts

Being an otrovert—or simply recognizing otrovert tendencies within myself—is about embracing my authentic rhythm. Our culture prizes belonging and conformity. Kaminski's concept reminds me that there is profound value in being different. The greatest gift of not "fitting in" is the freedom to be myself.

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